mumble.

today wasn't anything extraordinary. but then again, there isn't anything wrong with a bit of normality once in a while.

two of my song-induced thoughts for the day:

"if today was your last day. would you make it up by mending a broken heart. you know it's never too late. to shoot for the stars. regardless of who you are. so do whatever it takes.cause you can't rewind a moment in this life"

"i run from hate. i run from prejudice. i run from pessimists. but i run too late. i run my life. or is it running me. i run from my past. i run too fast. or too slow it seems. when lies become the truth. that’s when I run to you"

what was that that i was saying about music and its ability to describe the things that are running through our minds?

anyway; i witnessed two supposed car gaurds having it out with one another today all because the one (a young boy of about eleven) was attempting to take any business that decided to park on the older guy's "turf" away from him.

and whilst it was really distracting hearing them braul over teritory while i was trying to complile a "rough work" for an essay i already had the neat of; it made me laugh to see two people being so silly.

i think i almost felt like getting out of my car, handing them each twenty-rand and telling them to go out and promote world peace instead. of course i didn't actually do that in the end.

hmm, i think that's about all the blogging inspiration i have for this evening.
story time is over kids.

striking.

monday. it's a new day, it's a new week.

it seems that the nationwide striking has come to some sort of temporary standstill.
and whilst i am all for public protesting to get a point across...the point actually has to remain relevent throughout the rioting in order for me to remain respectful of the "angry people". so when babies start dying in hospitals and matric learners start failing all because people are demanding an impossible increase in their salaries; i stop agreeing with striking as a means to achieving a general standard of "something better".

and i suppose the same goes for my pattern of thinking on strkes in general (god knows i've experienced enough strikes in south africa to be able to comment on them).

what i don't, and probably never will, get is this:

why when they are striking do the municipal workers, for example, go around emptying rubbish bins onto the streets, blocking drains with newspapers and doing things of that detrimental nature?

it doesn't seem to proove any strike-worthy point other than substantiating the fact that they are a lot less intelligent than we give them credit for. because in the end; guess who has to go around cleaning it all up?

and the same goes for students who start a nice, unviolent demonstration of their disagreement with the increase in university registration fees; only to end up with a "closed until further notice" institution.

truly people do not think that by causing hundreds of thousands of rands damage they are going to make onlookers any more sympathetic to their cause...

music.

it never ceases to amaze me how much i am effected by music.
sometimes it's a beat in a song that runs over and over in my mind.
sometimes it's just a band that i can't get enough of.
mostly, it's just the lyrics.

and like i have been through phases, the music i have loved and listened to has varied too. i think in grades five to eight it was so varied that my music mind-set got so jaded as to allow me to think that the likes of andrea bocelli and gosh groban would ever do anything for me.

i've since settled into more respectable music choices.

it's rare that i get to a song on my ipod (which has very carefully selected music on it) that i can't relate to in some way or another.
and i'm not talking about that "take me to the candy shop, let me lick your lollipop" crap either...i'm talking about real, honest songs that make you think "wow; i guess i'm not the only person who feels this way."

i guess i sometimes see the lyrics to songs as a general spokesperson for the way i'm feeling. i sometimes think if i were to write about my life; the best way to do it would be to take lyrics from the thousands of songs i love and compile them into something like a novel. with no care for punctuation, grammer or sentence structure...just the raw emotion that i can extract from the words.

when my world is turning around at some unlawful speed that i cannot measure and nothing really seems to make sense anymore; at least i know i can turn around, throw my ipod to someone and say "here, listen to this song because god knows i can't explain how i'm feeling today."

music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy. music is the electrical soil in which the spirit lives, thinks and invents - Beethoven

minds.

i guess i am back. it's been all of two minutes and i still havn't ventured from thw computer to make some tea. i think i should just stop saying tea; maybe the craving will go away.

i was just thinking...i hate not knowing how people feel towards me.
obviously there is body language and a certain "tone" in the way they speak but for me: just taking a calculated guess on how you perceived sometimes isn't enough.

what we think is so intimate and personal. our thoughts are things that nobody else can touch if we chose not to let them. is it weird that i wan't to know what's going on inside peoples' minds?

i think everyone would like to divulge into another's mind. sometimes people are so blocked up by early-warning systems and barbed wire fences to protect themselves that the so-called obvious signs that remotely indicate what someone is thinking (that we should be able to read) disappear completely.

surely we are not that unable to trust or let people in as to rather live behind bars than speak what we feel. can we not share our inner most thoughts?
cry, laugh, scream and shout.
why don't we express on the outside what we feel on the inside?

can we no longer do that?
it shouldn't take a psychologist or psychic to figure out where our problems lie.
and yes...granted there are those that need help but what ever happened to having that person or people (be it one, two or five)that holds your complete trust?

maybe we just live in a society in which trust no longer comes naturally.
or maybe we should all just try a little harder to earn it.

tequila.

i feel like i should send a warning out to all the innocent people of the world who havn't yet discovered alcohol:

in your quest, sometime after you hit puberty, to ascertain the mysteries of the various types of alcohol in the world...skip right passed that evil little sign that will say something like "TEQUILA...right this way" because tempting as it may be...your under-age rebellion will not end well if you go down that path.

i've never been one to find the thought of taking shot after shot of any white spirit attractive and yet; i persist in doing this self-detesting act.

just make a mental note kiddies.
hard liquor won't put hair on your chest (if that's what you're into) and it won't make you cooler than everyone else. it's not going to make you invincable and it sure as hell won't dissolve your problems.

that's all.

on that topic at least.
and whilst i don't think any of my readers (all fourteen of you) are under the age of 18 or havn't experienced some sort of "wrath of the wretched drink"; i feel like i've done a good deed or something.
i guess you can just call me mr fantastic from now on.

anyway...it's sunday. which means tomorrow is monday.
can't i just run away and hide from reality for a bit?
i'm not sure i want to sit through another week. where's the fast-forward button for life?

i was hoping it would be raining today. at least then i would have some sort of excuse for spending the day in bed reading and drinking copious amounts of tea. although; the true life-lovers would probably say i don't need an excuse for that.

crap, now i have to pretend to be productive to make myself feel better about the total lack of work i have done this weekend (not that i had very much). i am sick though...does that count for something?

i suppose all life's greatest questions are answered with some mashed up version of the truth sooner or later.

for now: tea.

women.

it seems that, for the time being, my internet is once again co-operating with the general needs that i have to use it.

so i am back on the blogging strip.
welcome to my world.
it's a tired one.

what's new?

woman's day was nothing special.
being a woman i should possibly be more concerned about this but in truth; i am glad that the stupid competitions and adverts for "special (only for women) credit cards" have come to an end.
for now.

how are you actually meant to spend woman's day?

was i meant to go out and liberate my inner femininity?
should i have joined in a riot and come up with my own toi-toi routine to promote womens' rights?

i don't think there is any specific way to spend the day.

i suppose as long as being a woman means something to me, i am perfectly content with withering away in the lovely nothingness of doing...nothing.

august.

crap.

why is it already august?

i think i got too caught up in waiting for july to end that i totally missed the part where midnight turned to august.

thank god for calenders.

i know only a few things right now:

- i should blog more.
- im tired.

- it's the weekend. for me at least. im not sure how high my tolerance would be if i had any classes to attend tomorrow.