thought.

it's cold in town. the sun is shining but the mist that is seemingly consuming table mountain is eradicating all of that good feeling "winter warmth".

i love how the mist manages to look so still yet it is constantly moving. boiling over the rim of the table top, only to disappear without a trace.

i never thought that sitting in a car in a busy parking lot before class would evoke any blog-worthy thoughts; but it seems even the best of us are fooled sometimes.

i suppose i havn't had all that much to say for myself of late. nothing of inspiration has motivated me to write.

of course, any claim of "writer's block" can be extinguished because one has to be a writer before contracting this so-called indulgence of one's stupidity.

i don't think it's stupidity at all. and i am not even talking specifically about writer's block. i speak of our minds in general.

sometimes there are so many ideas in our minds; yet we can produce nothing but yet another blank page or empty answer.

in my opinion, we sometimes over-think things. which, to a degree, is good. but what ever happened to simplicity?

why is it that all too often we want to disect everything that we think?

obviously we can make some bunched up excuse that we are doing it for our own greater good but sometimes choosing to view one's thoughts simplistically is better than combing through them with excrutiating detail. not everything needs to be a paragraph long answer.

keep it simple stupid.

67 minutes.

i went through to mcgregor this weekend.
well more just saturday night but that's completely besides the point that i actually want to make.

on route to said destination; we passed the "Bike ride for Nelson Mandela Day" crew on their merry way to cape town.

to be honest, i didn't know anything about this ride and of course, after seeing big black cars with bright blue lights i immediately made the assumption that they were escorting some unimportant government official who had decided to go on holiday with his family. god, is this what the anc is doing to my mind-set?

in any case; it was only after my mom pointed out who they were that i became somewhat enlightened and semi-excited that i had seen morgan freeman for about ten seconds.

or perhaps it was just another biker dressed in the usual biker attire that i thought might of been freeman.

i have since read up on the whole project and it's really great what they are doing.
it wasn't to make morgan freeman, or any of the other celebrities, look like do-gooders to better their public image and it definatley wasn't to show the world how fun biking can really be.

no, it was done to raise awareness about Mandela Day, the cause and encourage south africans to give 67 minutes of service. be it playing with the children in an orphanage or washing dogs at the SPCA.

and even if this project's sole purpose wasn't to get international attention; they have definately gone above and beyond with grabing the attention of our fellow countries and continents. the eyes of the world are once again on south africa.

it just makes me smile really.
knowing that this country is moving up in the world so quickly.

and just to gloat a bit more about nelson mandela: the fact that one man can exist in the hearts of so many people around the world and amaze billions still is one of the greatest things about south africa.

to be honest, i cannot boast about how i made use of my 67 minutes. i didn't do anything. which is quite possibly severely hindering my duty to my country and people.

but it get's me thinking: why must we wait for people to tell us when to use our time to unselfishly help others?

what is stopping us from volunteering at the nearest animal shelter or collecting clothing for hiv positive children who don't have anthing.

the truth is, nothing is really stopping us. it is almost like we stop ourselves from breaching the barrier. and yes, there are those few that take it in their stride to help out where possible but in truth; even though a lot of us think about doing some sort of service to our country, we rarely carry out our good intentions.

south africans, who are we if not fools for remaining oblivious to so many things.

23.58.

at the times when i am hurting the most, that's when i want to run to you. cause you always knew. and time is uncanny in the way it just goes by so fast. and we dont even know eachother anymore. so it's strange that i want to seek comfort from someone who isnt really in my life.

but whatever happened, you always knew.

it's strange how thoughts catch up with us. and how time moves by so fast sometimes. but fast is seemingly slow until we wake up one day to find a couple of years have gone somewhere.

we sum our days up and try our best to find extra hours in the sun's rotation but in the end; time passes at the same speed, everyday.

people.

i've been thinking a lot lately about the people i surround myself with.
i'm not talking about the random man or lady i say a friendly "hi" to in the store, nor am i necessarily talking about the people, like my neighbours, who physically surround me.

i am talking more about the people that i see bits of myself in. the people that stand as my mirrors in an empty room; reflecting different things about myself back to me. the people who make up who i am, who i have been and who i want to be.

there is something in each of these people that helps me to deceipher the route that will ultimately get me to my future. be it the path less traveled or a known highway; all of the people i surround myself with are like tracks...helping me to discover more places on the map that is me.

of course, as is the case in any situation involving people, there is always room for hurt, anger, frustration, sadness or even jealousy that eventually equate to a dirty mass of confusion.

some people ultimately aid me in sucessfully backtracking my life. and whilst that sounds a little harsh, i dont despise anyone for doing this.

you see, i am only human. i make mistakes and so does everyone else in this space we call our world. anybody who claims never to have lied, cheated, manipulated and hated fools nobody but the fool in their reflection.

but we move on from the mistakes we make. we try our best with the things that we have and hope to god that we get to redeem ourselves sometime for the wrong turns that we take.

and going back to the people that i surround myself with...i don't stand judging anyone for who they are. if anything i stand in front of my own jury; judging only myself.

i hate myself sometimes for the things that i have said and for the mistakes that i have made. i hate that i can see those things reflecting back at me from the people in my life.

but hate is also just a four letter word. like love.
two four letter words; completely contradictiory yet so often paired hand in hand.

those who have lied to me.
those who have used me.
those who have broken me.
and those who have run away from me and left me with my thoughts.

i don't hate you.
no.
you are people in the crowd that surrounds me.
i have learnt from you so cannot find it in me to hate you.

those who have loved me.
those who have come back to me.
those who have shown compassion for me.
those who have taught me.
those who have supported me.

i am completely imperfect but you make up who i am.

thief.

dear person who broke into my car and tried to steal it

your mother never loved you. ever.
thank you for completely messing up my door handels with your screw-driver and thank you for cutting the wires to my alarm.
i specifically want to thank you for taking my money and messing up my car battery.

sorry you didn't get to steal the whole car. maybe next time.

thank you for not completely inconveniencing me.

yours truly: your new best friend.

sigh, you might guess what is going on here.
it seems sometime during last night a person tried to steal my car and broke into it.

it is all fixed now but it just really really makes me angry how people so easily make the decsion to take what isn't theirs.
i mean, these people went to so much effort to get into my car, disconnect my alarm, opens my doors etc etc.

moral of the story?
don't take what doesn't belong to you.

rainy day.

fact of the day:

despite being the first hosts of a fifa world cup to exit in the first round, bafana bafana have moved up to number 66 in the world from their prior position of 83. seventeen places up and i am sure the world looks a lot prettier from where they now stand.

even though i feel that the expectations that our country had for our team were a bit too high in accordance with what they were ever going to achieve in reality; we still managed to play hard and put on a good show.
and hey, at least we beat the french.
(i still think it would have been amusing to watch the jaw of my very patriotic high school french teacher drop when they were knocked out.)

wow, highschool...that can almost be passed as a childhood memory.

anyway, it's a cold and rainy day in the mother city. i think there is more snow predicted to fall sometime in the early hours of tomorrow morning somewhere high up on a deserted mountain pass.

im actually suprised that we are supposedly already half way through winter. we havn't experienced any of that predicted lashing wind or ten-meter high waves or even the copious amounts of flooding. it's been a somewhat silent winter for us...or perhaps it's all just a poker-face for the weather to come.

world cup.

sitting at home i have found myself listening to the radio that is on somewhere in the lounge. jacob zuma's voice is ringing through my house and this time; i am genuinely smiling at what he is saying.

in his speech to the world in the aftermatch of the 2010 world cup, he has stated one thing that im sure the majority of south africans will agree with:

"We did it well, we did it successfully and after six years of preparation, the future prospects of this country and continent do not lay dormant but will now rise to meet the endless opportunities that Africa holds."

faced with so much criticism before the world cup started, it was obvious that numerous south african spirits were dampened. however, as a south african, as a supporter and as a person who had doubts i can say that we definately proved even the most monotonous critics wrong.

and if the sucessful running of the world cup were not enough; there is definately one thing that will stand out for me.

a moment in the festivities last night that really gave me goosebumps.
it wasn't a goal.
it wasn't the magnificance of the stadium.
it wasn't even the amazing unity of the people.

no, it was the five minutes in which the father of our country, Nelson Mandela, came onto the pitch. he raised 85 000 people to their feet and bought an applause that no team could ever bring to a stadium. his smile was greater than all of the smiles of the spanish team put together.

that is our country.
this is how far we have come.

monday.

my lecturer is trying to persuade us to be more creative.
in life, in work and in every other aspect of our life.
and whilst i love getting "how best to live your life" tips courtesy of yours truly; i left tech today nostalgic about the classes i attended which ultimately left me none the wiser.

in other news of the day: the world cup is officially over.
and everyone is going on and on about the inevitable "post-world cup depression" that will soon lash the shores of our country.

yes, it is sad that the festivities and all of the south african "gees" and unity (and all those other words that show the true togetherness of our people) are coming to an end but come on; depression?

and i know that when they say "depression" they may very well be referring to the many, many people who will now not be able to rely on that income that came from their temporary world-cup job; but some people are taking said word to new heights.

no, your life will not end now that you cannot get a weekly fix of david villa shooting at the goal.
no, italy didn't win.
yes, germany came third (again)

and yes, you will find something else to do with your time other than watch soccer.

i think i will take my business science lecturer's advice on this one and "find somthing new to get excited about in life."

routine.

this week is a nothing week.
and although i am going away from thursday to sunday i still feel like i will be eternally damaged from having to endure all fifty-something hours until said departure. and this all makes me seem overly dramatic but i have method behind my madness. or in this case, reasons behind my...poignant attitude.

anyway this week (until thursday)could play out as follows:

wake up.
go scream at dogs for barking.
go back to sleep.
wake up.
push cat off of my pillow.
ensure that cat cannot get back into my room.
try to sleep again.
get up due to unsucessful nature of previous task.
tea.
breakfast.
take copious amounts of anti-biotics.
tea.
possibly change out of pajamas.
think about exercising.
go to computer instead because im sick and exercise wont help any of that.
download countless songs.
spring-clean my ipod to make it user friendly.
watch weeds.
tea.
lunch.
again, take further amounts of anti-biotics.
watch more series.
do somthing else or other until supper.
pop some more pills.
sleep.

repeat.

it's fascinatingly mindless to think about everthing one is doing all day when everything is, in fact, nothing.

and nothing makes one's week go faster than the prospect of going back to a certain place of tertiary education next week.

ah, god bless south africa's education system.

bedrooms.

somthing particular has suddenly presented itself as a thought in my mind:
the bedroom, although mysterious, is actually the very place from which you can derive the most information about a person but at the same time not present the things that lie behind the obvious.

take my gran's bedroom for example...

everything is neat. she places her pillows on her bed in the same place everyday on top of her perfectlt straightened out duvet. her blinds are left at the exact height everyday and are adjusted to the best suited angle to maximise the sun shine. she has carefully placed brass ornaments on top of her dresser of draws (dark mahogany of course) which fit ever so perfectly with her photo frames portraying the ones she holds most dear.

the way i see my gran's bedroom could so easily be the way i see my gran as a person. she is very neat. and at 84 (possibly 5) she still really really likes routine. she adjusts her blinds everyday the same way she religiously eats one orange, some paw-paw and oats every morning. but through her routine she never forgets the things that are close to her heart. one might think that hoarding silly things is petty but her ornaments are old and when you ask her about them she'll tell you how she aquired them and you'll realize just how special they are. her photo frames don't need words to explain them because standing poised, they do infact tell a story all by themselves.

of course- in her room there are a few things that could, in a way, sum my grandmother up...

her hearing aid - evidence of time passed and her old age
hair spray - god, she loves maintaining the perfect perm
glasses - something i've never known her not to have
a stash of biscuits - always there to get rid of a craving
a make-up kit - she can never go out without "putting her face on"
a painting of my mom - reminding me of the amazing artist that she is
her sewing stand - the countless things she has made and knitted
a crossword - like chocolate for children
a picture of my gran when she was younger - the youth that remains as the body grows weary. she was, and is, beautiful.

and finally...her bridge cards. and that hairy green bridge table that she gets out every monday.

i mean, if you look at all that. a bedroom can definately say a lot about a person. what does yours say about you?

Indifference.

A new blog. A new start.
It's really cold in my house. Almost like the kind of cold that makes me wonder if it's warmer outside- in the garden, dimly lit by a very faint moon.

I think it was spring high on saturday night. I went for a walk on Fish Hoek beach on sunday morning and the dunes had been washed away completely. Nothing of them was left...it was kind of beautiful devastation though. Underneath the washed up kelp and oceanic debris I could see the old railway tracks from so many years ago...a bit of rusted old metal semi submerged in the sand.

Today was a very indifferent day on my behalf. Divulging the details won't be of any use to anyone, of course. It did, however, allow me to come to a very easy conclusion about something: showing a lack of concern about something can often do one no good.

Obviously...i linger on the fact that presenting myself with feelings such as indifference will, in the end, leave me completely worse for wear.