i've been thinking a lot lately about the people i surround myself with.
i'm not talking about the random man or lady i say a friendly "hi" to in the store, nor am i necessarily talking about the people, like my neighbours, who physically surround me.
i am talking more about the people that i see bits of myself in. the people that stand as my mirrors in an empty room; reflecting different things about myself back to me. the people who make up who i am, who i have been and who i want to be.
there is something in each of these people that helps me to deceipher the route that will ultimately get me to my future. be it the path less traveled or a known highway; all of the people i surround myself with are like tracks...helping me to discover more places on the map that is me.
of course, as is the case in any situation involving people, there is always room for hurt, anger, frustration, sadness or even jealousy that eventually equate to a dirty mass of confusion.
some people ultimately aid me in sucessfully backtracking my life. and whilst that sounds a little harsh, i dont despise anyone for doing this.
you see, i am only human. i make mistakes and so does everyone else in this space we call our world. anybody who claims never to have lied, cheated, manipulated and hated fools nobody but the fool in their reflection.
but we move on from the mistakes we make. we try our best with the things that we have and hope to god that we get to redeem ourselves sometime for the wrong turns that we take.
and going back to the people that i surround myself with...i don't stand judging anyone for who they are. if anything i stand in front of my own jury; judging only myself.
i hate myself sometimes for the things that i have said and for the mistakes that i have made. i hate that i can see those things reflecting back at me from the people in my life.
but hate is also just a four letter word. like love.
two four letter words; completely contradictiory yet so often paired hand in hand.
those who have lied to me.
those who have used me.
those who have broken me.
and those who have run away from me and left me with my thoughts.
i don't hate you.
you are people in the crowd that surrounds me.
i have learnt from you so cannot find it in me to hate you.
those who have loved me.
those who have come back to me.
those who have shown compassion for me.
those who have taught me.
those who have supported me.
i am completely imperfect but you make up who i am.